Change Happens Even In Hell

 

Auburn Prison Front View

When I first went to prison twenty years ago, I met an old Attica riot veteran who gave me the hardest lesson I ever learned during my entire six years of incarceration. I was quickly developing a reputation as being very smart but had a quick and violent temper and a nasty attitude. My way of thinking was all logical to me as I was in place that was hell on earth. Yes, prison is truly hell on earth! Because it is a place filled with sinners of every known type; murders, robbers, rapists, liars and instigators, con men, child molesters, cheaters, thieves, gamblers, drunks and drug addicts, extortionists, homosexuals, and wife beaters. Aren’t these the same people that will congregate in hell according to our religious beliefs?

The psychology and social make up of this hell permeated with a hierarchy of   predators and preys, and I refused to be a prey to any of Satan’s misguided children. I chose the attitude of a top predator if I plan on getting out of hell in one piece, but it cost me in ways I never thought possible.

Prison Cell

I had just finished nearly two years of segregation and was transferred to Auburn Correctional Facility where I met Majestic. He was an old timer that was involved in the Attica prison riots in back in 1971. These riots changed the inhumane treatment and living conditions for prison inmates not only in New York prisons, but for prisoners across the United States. He had read a paper I wrote on the Alexandria Library and we started speaking, he had earned two undergraduate degrees during his incarceration.  One day he told me that I was the smartest person he had ever met and he wished he had half the knowledge I had when he was my age. I was a bit flattered until he told me that I just didn’t belong in there and he didn’t care what my offense was I just didn’t belong in prison. However, it was my FU attitude and FU temper that was going to keep me in there, and no matter how bad I thought I had it, there was always someone who had it worse. Those words rattled me big time and I wanted to rage out on him and make him take them words back. But, after so much time by myself in segregation, and doing a lot of self-assessment, I knew he was right. I was getting upset because his words were the truth of my situation and they were convicting to my soul.

Prisoner 1

Fact is, no one wants to hear the truth about themselves. We refuse to take responsibility for our lives and actions, and rather live with the excuses we use to pacify ourselves and justify our bad behavior and circumstances. I know I couldn’t afford to live like that any more so I had to develop a plan for my life and change my paradigm. Because the one thing I had to come to terms with was that a man without a plan for his life is no different than an animal, living day to day, just getting by, and surviving by instinct. I AM not an animal! I AM a man! Fashioned in the image of God, and given the freedom of choice and dominion over everything on this earth.

Three years later when I walked out of that prison, I was known as Professor, no longer the crazy Jamaican with glasses. I haven’t looked back since!

Freedom from Prison

When are you going to change your negative attitude and way of thinking and take control of your life? I would love to help you, but you have to want it more than I want to help you.

Take care and God Bless!

Welcome to Hell by Plan B

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The Accountability of Change

FaultOne of the first things I did when I decided I was going to change my life was to pray the Serenity Prayer. I did this because I knew I was going to have to rely solely on God’s mercy and grace to help me make this monumental change in my life. I figured that since I had been doing so many things contrary to the way in which God wanted me to live I had to start doing things His way if I want to make a real change in my life. I believed that all the things I was doing that were contrary to the biblical teachings I had growing up were the things that were messing up my life. I figured this to be true as I thought about all the people I called ‘Squares’ how they never have to go through these types of struggles. As I saw it, it meant that the closer you are walking by God’s laws the better your life will be, period. And I wanted to have the best life I could possibly have.

The coolest thing happened to me after making this decision and praying the Serenity Prayer. I figured out what I should do to help me start my life’s change. I would take the AA & NA 12 Step concept, modify it and use it as a guide to all the practical changes I wanted to make. Step One required that I admit that my life had become unmanageable. In making this admission I was able to see my mistakes and misdeeds and how they all contributed to my situation.

Blame Game

The hardest part was realizing how much I was responsible for all the craziness in my life. My dropping out of college, my fascination with street life, and my refusal to re-enlist in the military all lend a hand to my incarceration. The way I responded to people who didn’t treat me right, and the way I defended those that I thought was too weak to defend themselves, were reasons my life was filled with so much drama and turmoil. I brought all this mess upon myself and didn’t even realize what I was doing.

Accountability

I had worked so diligently to ensure that I had a steady flow of drama and turmoil in my life, while blaming everyone else and not seeing how I was the captain and master of my own shipwrecked life. Yes! I am the common factor in all my plights. My words and actions dictate how others perceive me and how others respond to me. I spoke like a gangster and acted like a gangster, so people perceived me as a gangster and responded to me as a gangster, which meant I was always going to find myself in gangster situations.

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This admission and acceptance was going to be the primary element in the foundation on which I would rebuild my life. Because I could never truly walk in a Godly manner if I wasn’t willing to truly humble myself and put my ego aside. I learned that when you think too highly of yourself it makes being accountable and taking responsibility for one’s actions virtually impossible. How is your sense of self and ego preventing you from accepting your role in the drama and turmoil of your life?Victim

Inspiring Music: I Need by Maverick Sabre

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Character Change

Self projectionAnother crucial part of my change process was character rebuilding. This is a process that is an absolute necessity because it is a manifestation to the degree of accountability in your life. My friends and relatives who benefited from my misdeeds will speak highly of me, but the people on the outside who witnessed or experienced my misdeeds will beg to differ. I grew to understand that I might think myself to be one thing, but it is my deeds that tell the world who they are dealing with. In other words I had to choose a definitive side, either be good all the way or be bad all the way. Either way my thoughts and deeds needed to be in sync with each other.

doing better

When I was robbing drug dealers I often used the money to help out many people around the neighborhood who needed some financial assistance. However, the way in which I was making that money along with the lifestyle that came with it was in direct conflict with my helpful and giving side. But during that time, I was so confused by the situation that I was unable to see how conflicting and counterproductive my life was. So it was imperative that I became a person of good moral standing by evidence of my words and deeds before I get back into society. The way people thought negatively of me in the past can only be changed by the things I did positively from now on.

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self-talk and meditation

Totally honest was how I wanted to live my life from now on. This meant no more robberies, no more illegal and immoral hustling, no more womanizing, and no more crooked friends. I wanted to be considered a person of good character so I started becoming the way I wanted people to see me and think of me.  I even did daily affirmations “I am someone people are willing to vouch for.” “I am someone people call honest, trustworthy, caring, giving and respectful.” “I am a good man.” I was going to change the way people saw me, and I was more than willing to take the necessary steps to get there, even ending old friendships and relocating. My first and hardest task was cutting loose my activities and certain friends and acquaintances in prison. Some people understood and some had a lot of feelings to verbalize, nonetheless I taking the necessary steps to make the changes I wanted for my life and nothing was going to deter me.

negative mind

What is it about your character that needs changing or could stand some overhauling? Who do you say you are? And who do people say you are?

Take care and God bless!!!

Johnny Reid – Today I’m Gonna Try and Change the World

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Taking Fatherhood Seriously


Last summer my daughter Wizdom, who was 14 at the time, had an opportunity to take a sketch comedy writing class at Brown University, her number one pick for colleges. She got an A in the class which made us all very proud. Upon returning home she brought back a little something for everyone based on her meager finances. However, I got the largest and probably the most expensive gift she could afford, a plaque for my office that reads, “BEHIND EVERY GOOD KID IS A GREAT DAD” which moved me to tears. This is definitely the most treasured office decoration I own, as it trumps any diploma, certification, citation or award I have or will every receive.

Being a great dad is synonymous with being a great husband for me, as I grew up in a very dysfunctional and abusive household. I always promised myself that when I grew up I AM going to have a home filled with harmony and love. Having a loving family isn’t something that happens overnight or something that has a finish line I can reach, proclaim victory and be done. This is a life time commitment and requires a vast degree of effort on my part. Like spending a great deal of quality time together, both collectively and individually.

Being that my kids are 4 years apart, and Wizdom being the elder, I spent at least an hour every evening with her. We spent time at the park playing on the jungle gym and slide; walking around the neighborhood talking about her day, her likes and dislikes, her wants and all the great things her I wanted for her. By the time she was three we were road dogs, driving out to Brooklyn from the Bronx to go visit my mom and sisters every Friday. I will never forget when she was four and we were walking around the block and she blurted out at this woman passing by, “Why is that girl looking at my Daddy in the mysterious way?” I thought that was priceless because my baby could see the things I wasn’t always privy to. I knew my daughter will always have back. She’s 15 now and our relationship is just as tight, we still speak like we always do and even manage go out on dates amid our busy schedules. She’s the drum major for her schools band, captain of the girl’s basketball team, an aspiring actress and currently interning at a prestigious dance studio here in Atlanta from 1 in the afternoon until 10pm most nights from Monday to Friday.

After my son Zidan was born, I had to learn to balance my time even more so between my my wife and daughter to accommodate this new guy. For instance, soon after giving birth, my wife had to return to school to complete her degree in forensic psychology. So on Saturday mornings I had to strap the baby on my chest so I can walk my daughter to Girl Scouts, and spend time walking him around the neighborhood telling him things about life no baby can even begin to understand. I just believed talking to these little people was important whether or not they could understand, because I consider it rude to be with someone and not speak with them or give them your undivided attention. By the time Ziggy, the nickname his grandmother gave him, was 3 he said I was his “bess pren” (best friend). As he got older and we spent more and more time together he started saying how much he wants to be like me, and how much he relish when people compare our looks or similarities. He is 11 now and will run up to me wherever and whenever to give me a hug and a kiss and a punch. He still mimics me, the way I stand, the way I conduct myself when I’m speaking with others, especially at business meetings. Last night while bowling he told me he knows why I have the tattoo with his name on my arm is because I’m his number one fan, because I am always encouraging and motivating him to be his best especially when he’s doubting himself. He recently was awarded an outstanding leadership award in music for being a 6th grader that leads the trumpet section which is comprised of 6th, 7th, 8th, 9th, and 10th graders. Outstanding!

Constantly being there for them, teaching them Godly things and the ways of this world, teaching them about understanding themselves and understanding other people. Being there to correct them when they need it and showing them the right way, being there to see their triumphs and defeats, always being their first line of defense and refuge is what being a great father is all about to me. Anything short of that is just not good enough!

Today as we celebrate fatherhood I ask that we take a deep inventory of ourselves and ask, “Am I giving this my all or am I just doing enough to get by?” For nothing should take priority over your family, especially your kids. No hobby, no fraternity, no club, not even your job or business. Here is a dose of reality, hobbies, fraternities and clubs add no real value to your life especially once you become a father, since they only rob and cheat you of time away from your family. If your job or business is robbing you of time away from your family then you might want to reconsider your priorities. See how your time is being allotted so that you can have a more balanced life.

As for me, I AM motivated by Aerosmith’s hit song from the Armageddon movie; I Don’t Want To Miss A Thing

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Who’s Changing Your Life

Change Your LifeWhen Majestic pointed out my obvious flaws it reverberated loudly in my mind because they were irrefutable truths. I felt convicted by these truths and everything inside me wanted to resist and deny these things. Because man’s basic instinct is self-preservation which dictates that we must protect ourselves at all costs from anything unpleasant that we encounter. You know that thing in our unconscious mind that says “Fight or Flight” whenever we feel threatened? However, something inside me said this was the truth and I needed to face it head on. I can either change these things about myself or continue to suffer the unpleasant consequences a FU attitude and FU temper reek in my life.

Power of ThoughtsThe more we do something is the more it becomes a habit, and sooner or later that habit becomes biologically ingrained in us. Take drug use for example, the more a person uses drugs the more it becomes a habit, then the habit becomes so biologically ingrained that it seems almost impossible to quit using. Now, when this occurs the person starts to make statements like, “I can’t just quit like that, this is just a part of who I am now.” What is so peculiar about this is we are more likely to adopt negative habits than positive ones. Our negative habits are often based upon selfish hedonistic desires or the “Fight or Flight” defense mechanism we employ due to some personal hardships we encounter. So being the analytic that I was, I had to discover why I had such a defiant attitude and short temper because it was the only way I was going to truly change these negatives in my life.

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I soon discovered my attitude and anger came from the abuse I suffered from my mother. It hurt me to the core of my being that the woman who gave birth to me could beat me the way she did and say the horrible the things she said to me. To be a grown man and to not know what it feels like to be hugged by your mother or to be told “I love you” is a hurtful feeling, especially when I watched her give it so easily and generously to my younger siblings. This is where my destructive attitude and anger came from. And these were only magnified in prison after I got screwed over by my lawyer and the woman I was married to at the time. Yep, my ex-wife and lawyer became an item and quickly abandoned me and my case. These were the circumstances that I allowed to negatively shape my attitude and temper and consequently became a part of me.

Time for ChangeI knew that I could not change those people or those circumstances, but I could change me and the way I dealt with those issues.  So I started my journey and the process of change with a prayer I learned growing up in Catholic schools, “God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.”

One of the things I discovered from my life’s circumstances, my service in the military and being in prison, is that change is inevitable.  We can either change because we want to change or because circumstances made us change. However, change is a journey and a process that is best achieved when we do so of our own accord rather than allowing circumstances to do it for us. Are you going to continue to allow change to happen to you or are you going to consciously make that change in your life?

Take care and God bless!

Man In The Mirror

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Change Is Action In Accountability

images In the last issue we spoke about accountability and holding ourselves responsible for our actions and the consequences they often bring to our lives. While this statement is truthful, it cannot stand alone if we wish to implement it into our lives. We need to understand that acceptance is just the first part of becoming accountable, but we are also required to act according to this concept of accountability. We have to take a moral inventory of our lives and find ways to mend some roadways, bridges and tunnels.

This meant that I had to see how my actions and current situation has cause harm or hurt the people I considered my loved ones. In order for me to be accountable for my actions I had to be willing to do so not just my present but my past as well. Especially when it comes to all the people that are within the small circle of people we care for and have had relationships with. These are the people who should be first to see the demonstration of our willingness to change our negative ways and become accountable for our actions and our lives.

Forgive-me-for-ruining-your-life-Second-Rate-

I wrote letters to various relatives as well as past and present friends acknowledging my misdeeds and my role in that reason for our strained or dissolved relationship. I did this without a single expectation, because I understood that just because I felt like apologizing didn’t meant that others would be forgiving. A few people wrote back and I called it a victory, because my first act of accountability yielded positive responses. I felt genuinely great about myself for the first time that I could remember.  I was able to fix a problem and gained support for the changes I was making in my life.

Another thing I added to my accountability was a vow to read seven chapters from the book of Psalms before I go to bed each night. This was my way of ensuring that I keep an active relationship with my Creator and Savior of my soul. It made my life feel more accountable to God.responsibility

Nonetheless, being accountable brought a new feeling and sense of awareness to my being. By being accountable I am now careful about the things I say and do. This is a very godly concept as it requires me to treat others the way I want to be treated, which meant I was learning to better adopt to the adherence of God’s will for my life. It also meant my life was getting better.

What are some actions you are willing to take as demonstration that you are  accountable for your life?

Until next time, take care and God bless!

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Find Your Calling

Better your relationship with God

Find your calling…seek what God has planned for your life…embrace the person He ordained you to be…meditate on the great commandment…”love thy neighbor”…it will make your life so much more centered…this will put you on the path of righteousness…the kind that inspire others to do the same…let the true God in you shine through…the feeling is indescribable…God bless us all!!!

Until next time…

Bobby Green

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FEEL MY TRUTH

I have kept quiet for the past three years and watched as our democratic system became a laughing stock to the world. I am an immigrant who has served honorably, and earned a Bronze Star, in the US Navy during the Persian Gulf War. After that, I then served in my state’s National Guard. To continue to keep quiet, while people who have never truly risked anything for this country continue to bash our President and country publicly, would be un-American. We abuse our freedoms in this country to the point of anarchy and treason. President Obama is the most disrespected president in the history of this country, all because of race. We have whites with protest signs calling him a monkey and telling him to go back to Africa, and we have blacks calling him a sellout because he’s not focusing all his attention on the black population. Seriously???

The Presidency of the Unites States is arguably the most important position in the world. To be publicly disrespected by white racists and black bigots, only proves to the world how internally divided this country still is. A country divided is a nation that’s sure to fall… (It happened to Rome)! We are the only nation that engages in this unpatriotic madness. Being critical of the President’s actions on issues like Water Gate, the Iran-Contra Affair, the Monica Lewinsky incident, and the war on Iraq is one thing. Calling our President a monkey and raping and lynching our First Lady, in effigy, is deplorable and despicable.

This is what our country and the world need to see more of...a United America.

As for our so-called black leaders, who expect this President to be the “Black President”, your ideals and ideologies are racist and will create anarchy. Mr. Obama is President of the United States of America, not just the black population of America. The man has done all he can for poor black folks when he was a community organizer in Chicago, something none of his black critics can claim. Remember, most of these so-called black leaders were all supporters of Hillary Clinton during the 2008 election. It was when Mr. Obama’s momentum increased, and the possibility of him winning really hit home with black leadership, that we saw people like John Lewis, Jesse Jackson and the rest of the MLK coattail riders switch their support from Clinton to Obama. And now we have Dr. Cornell West, Tavis Smiley, and Black Elitists mad at him because he’s not handing out 40 acres and a mule to them. I thought politicians made legislations and citizen leadership brought about the desired changes. What have any of these people done in the last 40 years to advance blacks, besides running around making speeches? We sure as heck don’t see them in the trenches helping to create a better place for blacks. More than half the black population of this country is still living in abject poverty. So, what are their plans for changing this situation?

Change requires more than just “lip service”. Clearly, the mission that Dr. King was on to address poverty in this country died when he died. If all of America isn’t living the American dream, then we really aren’t truly as great as we say we are. It’s understood that the poor will always be with us however, people living in this country should never be subjected to living in third world conditions.

No bravado, no facade, just Bobby!

I am no civil rights activist, but I am an average Joe who has made tremendous sacrifices to better ALL poor people…not just blacks! Our President and political leadership, through legislation, have created the means for citizens to create better opportunities for ourselves and our communities.  I have a REAL plan to address poverty in this country, but I cannot do it alone.  I challenge all the detractors, black and white, to come up with a plan, or help me, to better our country and our people.

Until next time…God Bless Us All!

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Not Just Another Voice

Another Speaker?

My family has been living in Atlanta’s Westside community for the past three years.  This community has played significant roles during the Civil War and Civil Rights Movement.  This was once a prideful community that flourished.  The people were upwardly mobile and driven to succeed and create opportunities, for the poor, where there were none.

Today, it is home to over 30,000 residents coping with failing schools, high unemployment and low wage jobs, high crime, limited resources, and decaying infrastructure.  Community sense of pride is gone.  This is evident in our educational system, and in the overall health of community residents.  The neighborhoods have literally become eyesores to the point that our community is not even included in the Brand Atlanta campaign.  If we hadn’t moved here, I would never have known, first hand, the needs of the community and how to address them.  We live and share in the same struggles that many other poor and underserved people in our community experience.  This is the reason why we have chosen this community to launch CHEC Pro.  Through collective organizing and effective services, we will be able to successfully address these issues.

This is someone's reality in Atlanta's Westside. Picture taken 12/28/2008.

Most inner-city communities have been in economic recession for decades, and abject-poverty has been the root issue for the social, political, environmental conditions.  I, founder CHEC Pro, Inc., plan to provide people with the necessary resources to change their socio-economic condition.   These resources will be in the form of programs and services and social enterprises.

Our programs and services will provide the people with resources that address grass roots issues like, youth delinquency, health disparities, substandard education and low-level job skills, as well as environmental and infrastructure deterioration.  Our social enterprises will provide community residents with gainful job opportunities; and aspiring entrepreneurs with the necessary training and financial resources for business development- thereby ensuring the socio-economic redevelopment of the community.   I think it’s time the term “community redevelopment” becomes inclusive of all the residents of the community, and not just a fancy term politicians use for gentrification.

This is not revitalization...it's gentrification.

In 1890 a photojournalist named Jacob Riis, shocked middle and upper class Americans with the publication of his book, How the Other Half Lives, which shed tremendous light on the squalor of poverty in big cities and led to major reforms for the poor.  However, enough had not changed for most minorities in these communities by the late 1960s, and Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. died before he could carry out his plan to address these conditions.  Some 40 years later, I hope to accomplish more.  I don’t want to be just another voice for the poor.  I want to give my people change that is real.  Change that last!

Until next time…God bless!

Bobby Green

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Message to a People

The current state of equity in our country.

Dr. King and the other civil rights activists were extremely successful in
creating the foundation for equality, not only for blacks, but for all people
of color and gender. That is why it was called the Civil Rights Movement and
not the Black Rights Movement. However, the 2008 general elections ushered in
the fruition of equality. True equality was evident for the first time in this
country when a black man became President, and women are now serious contenders
for that office; and finally, the US Supreme Court reflects the population it
represents. Equity is the only way that we can achieve equality of power…not to
say that people won’t still have prejudices but they will not have the power to
exclude others based on their race or ethnicity; truly ending racism as it
exists, in the United States of America.

Now that we have transitioned from slaves to presidents in this country,
it’s only logical that we also transition from consumers to producers as well.
It was our forced labor that made cotton king, (an estimated $675 billion
annually in today’s currency) during our country’s early development, and it’s
our misguided spending ability today, that fuels over $350 billion annually
into this economy. No one can force us to work for free any more, nor do we
have to remain powerless spenders. We already have equality, so now it’s time
to build equity.

Many of us are of the belief that with equality comes equity, but that is
not an axiom. Equality in and of itself is more of a concept than fact, while
equity is factual and tangible. Equality means we can save our money in
whatever bank we want, but equity is what we need to get the loan to start our
own businesses in our own communities. With equity comes autonomy and power.
Something most descendants of slavery have never known in this country, but I
hope to see one day.

In an effort to create equity, not just for myself, but for everyone, I have
taken the initiative to address the issue from a social and economic strategic
viewpoint. I have designed a social service program, to provide us all with the
necessary knowledge and information to leverage change amongst the neediest of
our people. Along with economic ventures and incentives that will create
sustainable equity, not just for a community, but for the entire southern
region.

Organizations such as CHEC Pro and Partnership for Southern Equity (PSE) are
in the forefront of this movement. However, we cannot do it by ourselves; we
need your talents and input to improve our chances for success. I would like to
urge and encourage each of you to get involved. Help us to build and establish
equity for many Americans who, in our current conditions, will never have a
chance.

Until next time…God bless us all!

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