One of the first things I did when I decided I was going to change my life was to pray the Serenity Prayer. I did this because I knew I was going to have to rely solely on God’s mercy and grace to help me make this monumental change in my life. I figured that since I had been doing so many things contrary to the way in which God wanted me to live I had to start doing things His way if I want to make a real change in my life. I believed that all the things I was doing that were contrary to the biblical teachings I had growing up were the things that were messing up my life. I figured this to be true as I thought about all the people I called ‘Squares’ how they never have to go through these types of struggles. As I saw it, it meant that the closer you are walking by God’s laws the better your life will be, period. And I wanted to have the best life I could possibly have.
The coolest thing happened to me after making this decision and praying the Serenity Prayer. I figured out what I should do to help me start my life’s change. I would take the AA & NA 12 Step concept, modify it and use it as a guide to all the practical changes I wanted to make. Step One required that I admit that my life had become unmanageable. In making this admission I was able to see my mistakes and misdeeds and how they all contributed to my situation.
The hardest part was realizing how much I was responsible for all the craziness in my life. My dropping out of college, my fascination with street life, and my refusal to re-enlist in the military all lend a hand to my incarceration. The way I responded to people who didn’t treat me right, and the way I defended those that I thought was too weak to defend themselves, were reasons my life was filled with so much drama and turmoil. I brought all this mess upon myself and didn’t even realize what I was doing.
I had worked so diligently to ensure that I had a steady flow of drama and turmoil in my life, while blaming everyone else and not seeing how I was the captain and master of my own shipwrecked life. Yes! I am the common factor in all my plights. My words and actions dictate how others perceive me and how others respond to me. I spoke like a gangster and acted like a gangster, so people perceived me as a gangster and responded to me as a gangster, which meant I was always going to find myself in gangster situations.
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This admission and acceptance was going to be the primary element in the foundation on which I would rebuild my life. Because I could never truly walk in a Godly manner if I wasn’t willing to truly humble myself and put my ego aside. I learned that when you think too highly of yourself it makes being accountable and taking responsibility for one’s actions virtually impossible. How is your sense of self and ego preventing you from accepting your role in the drama and turmoil of your life?
Inspiring Music: I Need by Maverick Sabre